Sitting here, longing for complete obliteration, I am aware of the pain that would leave behind. Don’t ever think it never crosses my mind, but instead of motivating me to step back from the edge, it adds to, and compounds, the pain slicing my soul to pieces. Knowing the anger, hatred, and disappointment my thoughts and actions will inspire within you, increases my sense of patheticism and sends my self-disgust skyward. To someone already feeling pain beyond any scalable level, reinforcement of their unlovability makes surrender to lifelessness so much more attractive.
I don’t think anyone who is creative should have to justify or explain their work, regardless of whether they paint, create music or sculptures, perform, or write. We all do it for different reasons and have different perspectives. We have different intentions, and ideas on how our work should look when it’s finished.
Right now, however, I am feeling the need to defend my right to express my creativity in whatever way I choose, excepting of course, if it is causing another harm.
The work I share in this space is mostly stream-of-conscious stuff – the words arrive, my fingers type them, I hit ‘publish’. I rarely read it, except to proofread, it is not edited, it is not polished, and it is certainly not intended to be perceived as the work of a professional. If that is the type of writing you are wanting to read, than you are sure to be disappointed by what you find in this space. But I am not going to judge you for your personal tastes and desires, so please don’t judge me for the words that I share here.
Kindness doesn’t cost anything, but it sure feels great for both the giver and receiver, and I would love it if, instead of criticising or putting another person down in future, that you perhaps smile, appreciate they may not have the same perspective as you, recognise they also have thoughts, feelings and dreams, just as you do, and give thanks that an opportunity to discover something about yourself just presented itself.
Have a great day ❤
Sometimes the things I want to say
Are not what’s said at all
Sometimes it’s different words
That come marching through the door
Sometimes my words get mixed around
And twisted inside out
And interpreted to mean
Completely something else
But that’s okay, it really is
As long as the words are shared
The feelings are released
And to myself my soul is bared
I spend more time in my head
Than I do in the land of the living
Or so it seems from what I’ve read
And the emotions it’s been giving
If I didn’t need the motivation
I wonder if I would really need
Anything other than my creation
And perhaps a little weed
But as tempting as it is
The real world feeds the words
That create my ideal bliss
So I must not only turn inwards
As always, you bring the words.
I don’t know why, or how it works,
But there is something about you
That always brings them through.
What is it that binds us so tight,
That even when using all our might,
We cannot break free from bondage?
It can’t be love, ’cause that’s dead and gone,
And has been since I became a pawn,
In your games of sexual conquest –
So we can lay that theory to rest.
It can’t be lust or sexual needs,
Or even friendship that constantly feeds
Our connection to each other.
None of those things exist between us now.
So, I really would, like to know how
Are we connected so fiercely together?
If I close my eyes, I can almost feel the leather
Of the bonds that tie us up as one,
As they cut into my skin, making me numb
To the pain you create for me.
I thought you’d decided to stick to the plan,
That for once you would be a gentleman,
And respect my decision and wishes,
But, it seems, you can’t live without my kisses.
I’m not quite sure of where I’m at
When it comes to considering that,
Because my heart has let you go.
But, as always you bring the words,
And for that I’m more grateful than you’ve heard,
Because without them I feel so lonely.
But I can’t help wishing a silent “if only”
The words would come without you,
So I could live a life that’s true,
And you might also be happy.
So many words, but none I want to share
Due to wonder and enjoyment, not despair
I don’t want to break this magic spell
Or interfere with this sense of being well
For a little while longer at least
I want to make the most of this peace
How do I capture something
So beautiful and wondrous
As the experience of joy
Why is it so much easier
To write about pain and grief
Or emotional turmoil
Or even relief?
But happy and wondrous
Seem to pass without mention
I wonder if it’s because there’s no
Need to relieve tension?
Take today for example
When the sky was such a
Deep and flawless blue which was
Echoed by the sea
It seems the words just
Don’t do justice to the
Incandescent beauty of the scene
So why bother?
But then a friend reminded me
How the happy and joyous
Pass us by without the
Slightest of mentions
So here is my pledge
For all the world to see
That at least once a month
The words will be joyous and happy