Oh God, how I need you!
When can I have you?
Sitting quietly in the wings
Waiting patiently for the right time
But she never really sees me
Only a dependable friend
Not someone who loves her
Nor one willing to give the world
Just to hold her close
And kiss her
The wintry chill of the wind on my skin,
Is nowhere near as cold
As the way you make me feel
When you turn and walk out the door.
So many questions.
Too many whys.
Not enough answers.
Buried by lies.
You say that you love me.
I know it’s not true.
Confused by my feelings.
Why do I love you?
“Patience,” whispers the voice in my head,
Just as it has for almost a year.
“It’s not time yet. Be calm and be patient.
Everything will be as it should.”
Listening to this voice has caused
My heart to shatter time after time.
Rivers of tears have flowed down my cheeks.
Anxiety has ebbed and flowed.
The Tsunami of Wonderful has left
Complete destruction in its wake,
Only to be swallowed again and again,
By ever larger waves.
Don’t react or respond,
Just go with the flow.
Ride the wave and observe the chaos,
But don’t get swallowed by it.
The lessons have been hard and painful.
The joy verging on ecstasy.
A voice taking the breath away,
A touch a slow-burning pleasure.
A smile too much for the heart to bear.
Silence and absence devastating.
So low on the priority list, and yet,
Evidence suggests constantly on the mind.
Could it be I’m not the only one confused
By the conflict of heart and head?
And what of the voice whispering sweet and low
To be patient and calm?
Does it come from an Angel or the Devil?
Where will it lead, and what does it mean
By everything is meant to be?
The thrill of the chase
Is sometimes overpowered
By the pain of the wait.
But the power of the collision,
When it all comes together,
Is more thrilling and fulfilling
Than either of those.