Faulty Logic

I’ve applied the logic you speak of
And discovered it will never work
Logic says I am unlovable
That there is no conceivable way
The people in my life are interested
In anything more than
What they can take from me
Logic says my life is meaningless
That everything I have lived through
I somehow deserved
Logic says I live in a fantasy world
That is in no way connected to reality
Constantly chasing rainbows in dreams
Of a world full of love and kindness
Logic says no such world exists
Realising logic’s supporting evidence
Is overwhelming and fool-proof
Drains my desire to live
Give me rainbows and unicorns any day
Or give me the freedom of non-existence

Reaction

Peculiar places
Hallucinatory faces
My body’s taken flight
Like my mind last night
Expressing what it couldn’t
Because it was told it shouldn’t
But it never seems to go away
I will be like this ’til my dying day
If only I could keep your protection with me
But somehow I know that’s not meant to be

Love And Hate

The welts will heal,
Of this I’m sure
But our love making
Has once more
Opened the portal
Between then and now
A major flashback
Cock in mouth
Slapped by the belt
I remembered exactly
How it felt
I wanted to stop
And end it there
But a deeper desire
To understand appeared
So I continued on
Until you opened a wound
Both real and imagined
And allowed me to
Delve into times gone by
But it wasn’t until
The belting stopped
And you rolled me over
And climbed on top
That the truth became so clear
Because regardless of
The beltings he gave
And how I hated him dear
As soon as ever he climbed on top
The anger would disappear

Legacy Strikes Again

The Legacy will never free it’s hold
Depths of pain continue to unfold
Doubt and insecurity rule
Always saying I am a fool
Yet within there’s so much love
Praying for help from above
I just don’t think I’m going to make it
Don’t have the energy to even fake it
It’s days like this oblivion’s calling
And all because I felt myself falling
How stupid I was to even consider
You’d be the one to finally deliver
The freedom I desperately crave
But emptiness is crashing like a wave
And I’m thinking I’ve seen better days
Starting to list all of the ways
To escape this fucked up spiral
Of never-ending love denial
And find peace at last

Robert’s Gift

My heart is aligned with my mind?
Oh, what a discovery!
What a magical find!
What an aide to recovery!
You are a wonderful man
My thanks are sincere
I think you’re part of the plan
To bust the veneer
Regardless I’m grateful
Because it now makes sense
The knowledge’s delightful
Even though I felt dense
So I will enjoy what is
Just as I have done
And revel in the bliss
Of feeling as one
Thanks for your gift
Although inadvertent
It’s given me a lift
And made me cognizant