Faulty Logic

I’ve applied the logic you speak of
And discovered it will never work
Logic says I am unlovable
That there is no conceivable way
The people in my life are interested
In anything more than
What they can take from me
Logic says my life is meaningless
That everything I have lived through
I somehow deserved
Logic says I live in a fantasy world
That is in no way connected to reality
Constantly chasing rainbows in dreams
Of a world full of love and kindness
Logic says no such world exists
Realising logic’s supporting evidence
Is overwhelming and fool-proof
Drains my desire to live
Give me rainbows and unicorns any day
Or give me the freedom of non-existence

Words From The Edge

Sitting here, longing for complete obliteration, I am aware of the pain that would leave behind. Don’t ever think it never crosses my mind, but instead of motivating me to step back from the edge, it adds to, and compounds, the pain slicing my soul to pieces. Knowing the anger, hatred, and disappointment my thoughts and actions will inspire within you, increases my sense of patheticism and sends my self-disgust skyward. To someone already feeling pain beyond any scalable level, reinforcement of their unlovability makes surrender to lifelessness so much more attractive.

Erase Me

The unintentional seed of doubt
Planted by another has been
Nurtured into a parasitic vine
That has suffocated all sense
Of love, beauty and passion
Please turn and leave now
Stop engaging and interacting
Send no more messages
Forget I exist
Erase me

Mind Games

My mind can take this beautiful
Gift you have given me and turn it
Into something demonic and ugly
Your motives are to play and destroy
Is how the story now reads in my head
Indifferent to anything beyond
Your own desires and satisfaction
Thoughts have not only immobilised me
But are pushing my frozen body to the edge
Of the cliff from which I desperately
Long to leap into the arms of oblivion

Ache

The beauty of the day is not lost
Even though tears are pouring out
Physical evidence of the cost
Of a mind that’s been fucked about
Craving more than withdrawal
Aching longingly for extinction
The torture of being abnormal
Leaves invisible marks of distinction

Legacy Strikes Again

The Legacy will never free it’s hold
Depths of pain continue to unfold
Doubt and insecurity rule
Always saying I am a fool
Yet within there’s so much love
Praying for help from above
I just don’t think I’m going to make it
Don’t have the energy to even fake it
It’s days like this oblivion’s calling
And all because I felt myself falling
How stupid I was to even consider
You’d be the one to finally deliver
The freedom I desperately crave
But emptiness is crashing like a wave
And I’m thinking I’ve seen better days
Starting to list all of the ways
To escape this fucked up spiral
Of never-ending love denial
And find peace at last