Busted

I can’t guarantee I won’t run
If things ever seem more than fun
I ask for patience, that is all
And not to judge me when I fall
I want to give all I’ve got
Just not sure if it’s worth a shot
If I don’t know exactly where you stand
On things I know we hadn’t planned
There I’ve said it for all to see
Another part of crazy me
Few can handle such a messy head
But I’m hoping the signs are not misread
I’d really like to see where this goes
But you’ll have to keep me on my toes
I’m hoping all’s not done and dusted
Just because my mind is busted

Smooth Sailing

I woke up yesterday
Knowing there would be change
I woke again today
Feeling completely strange
Fears quelled and heart happy
As though I’ve emerged
From a dark cocoon
Leaving dangers submerged
And sailing into calmer waters

Faulty Logic

I’ve applied the logic you speak of
And discovered it will never work
Logic says I am unlovable
That there is no conceivable way
The people in my life are interested
In anything more than
What they can take from me
Logic says my life is meaningless
That everything I have lived through
I somehow deserved
Logic says I live in a fantasy world
That is in no way connected to reality
Constantly chasing rainbows in dreams
Of a world full of love and kindness
Logic says no such world exists
Realising logic’s supporting evidence
Is overwhelming and fool-proof
Drains my desire to live
Give me rainbows and unicorns any day
Or give me the freedom of non-existence

Words From The Edge

Sitting here, longing for complete obliteration, I am aware of the pain that would leave behind. Don’t ever think it never crosses my mind, but instead of motivating me to step back from the edge, it adds to, and compounds, the pain slicing my soul to pieces. Knowing the anger, hatred, and disappointment my thoughts and actions will inspire within you, increases my sense of patheticism and sends my self-disgust skyward. To someone already feeling pain beyond any scalable level, reinforcement of their unlovability makes surrender to lifelessness so much more attractive.

Erase Me

The unintentional seed of doubt
Planted by another has been
Nurtured into a parasitic vine
That has suffocated all sense
Of love, beauty and passion
Please turn and leave now
Stop engaging and interacting
Send no more messages
Forget I exist
Erase me

Mind Games

My mind can take this beautiful
Gift you have given me and turn it
Into something demonic and ugly
Your motives are to play and destroy
Is how the story now reads in my head
Indifferent to anything beyond
Your own desires and satisfaction
Thoughts have not only immobilised me
But are pushing my frozen body to the edge
Of the cliff from which I desperately
Long to leap into the arms of oblivion