Who Would I Be?

What would I do,
And who would I be,
If there were no ‘shoulds’
Or ‘should nots’?
Would there still be such
Conflict in my mind if these
Limitations did not exist?
What would it mean to be ‘me’
If there were no ingrained
Social control mechanisms?
In what ways would life be different?
Or would it be just the same?

Possessed

Invisible bandages
Wrap me like a mummy
Squeezing ever tighter
Until I can no longer breathe
Sweat pours from my palms
My heart pounds frantically
As though it must expend
All of its remaining beats
Within the next few minutes
Every muscle tense to breaking point
Every molecule with antennae
Extended waiting for the threat
That will never arrive
Adrenalin floods my veins
Panic sets in
An urgent need to flee
And escape the office confines
But there is no known trigger
Today
No twisted mental processing
No agitated mind
This is purely a body memory
A unique anxiety experience
That I wish I could stop
Tears flow from frustration
The shaking and stuttering begins
Now the mind joins the party
And fails to focus as it flits
From one random thought to the next
I have lost all control
My efforts to relax are in vain
There are no answers
This is just how it is
Flashbacks start and I can do nothing
Except let them do their thing
Unheeded and uninfluenced
They will pass in good time

Altered State

Psychedelic swirls of confusion
Surround everything today
Too many possibilities
Too many questions
Not enough answers
There is also a disconnect
Dissociation
Separation
Awareness from
Outside the body
And time does not seem linear

If You’re Gone

As I said, I really didn’t want
Our last memories to be so awful
Although, perhaps they are
Only gut-wrenching for me?
I’ve wondered this many times
Since your tone of contempt and hate
And now this song brings
It all back, clear as day,
So I need to say,
“If you’re gone…
Perhaps you should
Just stay gone
Because now I’ve
Had a break from the lies
I’m becoming me
Once more.”

Wish You Were Here

I wish you were here so we could talk
So I could hear your voice
And ask your advice
I miss you so much sometimes
And wish life had been different
To the hellish mess it has been
I no longer care about the hows or whys
Of what happened
It is what it is
But fuck I wish you were here
To help clean up this mess you made
Because I get so lost and lonely