Immobilized by fear
Taken out of gear
Rolling to a stop
Perhaps life is a flop
Desires long hidden
Take the last breath
Find solace in death
Sitting here, longing for complete obliteration, I am aware of the pain that would leave behind. Don’t ever think it never crosses my mind, but instead of motivating me to step back from the edge, it adds to, and compounds, the pain slicing my soul to pieces. Knowing the anger, hatred, and disappointment my thoughts and actions will inspire within you, increases my sense of patheticism and sends my self-disgust skyward. To someone already feeling pain beyond any scalable level, reinforcement of their unlovability makes surrender to lifelessness so much more attractive.
The unintentional seed of doubt
Planted by another has been
Nurtured into a parasitic vine
That has suffocated all sense
Of love, beauty and passion
Please turn and leave now
Stop engaging and interacting
Send no more messages
Forget I exist
My mind can take this beautiful
Gift you have given me and turn it
Into something demonic and ugly
Your motives are to play and destroy
Is how the story now reads in my head
Indifferent to anything beyond
Your own desires and satisfaction
Thoughts have not only immobilised me
But are pushing my frozen body to the edge
Of the cliff from which I desperately
Long to leap into the arms of oblivion
The beauty of the day is not lost
Even though tears are pouring out
Physical evidence of the cost
Of a mind that’s been fucked about
Craving more than withdrawal
Aching longingly for extinction
The torture of being abnormal
Leaves invisible marks of distinction
My lethargy is a form of avoidance.
If I don’t move, I don’t think.
If I don’t think, I can’t make mistakes.
It’s easier to just sleep, be unconscious,
And unaware of anything at all.