Illusion

The difference is I never
Intentionally deceived
Or influenced whether
Or not you perceived
Me in a way I wanted

You deliberately lied
And created a perception
Of you that belied
The complex deception
Of being something you aren’t

I could have lived with it really
If you’d confessed the truth
When I discovered the duality
But you continued to prove
You could not be trusted

Pieces of truth have emerged
Over time, and many versions
Of reality have blended and blurred
Into convoluted dispersions
Of whatever might be real

So the pain you felt yesterday
I assume is fake at best
Because we both know we play
With different toys in a quest
To divorce from each other

But I will never know for sure
Until we sit together and bare
Ourselves and our souls and pour
The truth out and openly share
How to proceed from here

If You’re Gone

As I said, I really didn’t want
Our last memories to be so awful
Although, perhaps they are
Only gut-wrenching for me?
I’ve wondered this many times
Since your tone of contempt and hate
And now this song brings
It all back, clear as day,
So I need to say,
“If you’re gone…
Perhaps you should
Just stay gone
Because now I’ve
Had a break from the lies
I’m becoming me
Once more.”

Unlovable

I’m complicated and messy
Sometimes mad and insane
But you wouldn’t know from the outside
Because I appear average and normal
And apparently to some I am “sexy as hell”
If only I had a dollar for every message
From you and others
Claiming a desire to be “balls deep”
My financial problems would be solved
But physical satisfaction is not enough
My soul is screaming for a connection
For love and devotion
For someone who values all the things
That make me who I am
Not just my mind or body alone
But the whole mixed up crazy package
A year ago I concluded it would never be
It was not possible because I’m not lovable
Usable and disposable it seems
Yes
But not as a whole complicated mess
You came along and made me think
I had been wrong on that account
Made me think I might be lovable after all
But the lies and deception and
External interference
Has been more than we can conquer
So now it’s back to being used and disposed
And to knowing I am unlovable

Lover’s Lane

We aren’t the only ones
Who meet at Lover’s Lane
For a few stolen
Moments of bliss
She had already arrived
Before I had left
Because I stayed this
Morning to savour
How I’d been blessed
By the feel of your arms
And the taste of your lips
He pulled in as I pulled out
And the smile on his face
Left me in no doubt
They too, were like us
Carried away by
The strangest love
No one else can understand
I’m glad we were done
So they could
Have their fun
All of us blessed
By the rising sun
And the gift of Lover’s Lane