Round Six – Part 1

Does it count
If a third party
Takes Round 6?
I feel a little
Cheated
Deprived of our right
To battle this out
To the end with
All our might
An interloper
Intruder
Lashed out with
A near perfect
Right hook
Almost achieving
A knockout
But I’m still standing
On legs of jelly
Still breathing
Burning gasps
Still conscious
Although barely
And I can’t concede
This Round just yet

Legacy Strikes Again

The Legacy will never free it’s hold
Depths of pain continue to unfold
Doubt and insecurity rule
Always saying I am a fool
Yet within there’s so much love
Praying for help from above
I just don’t think I’m going to make it
Don’t have the energy to even fake it
It’s days like this oblivion’s calling
And all because I felt myself falling
How stupid I was to even consider
You’d be the one to finally deliver
The freedom I desperately crave
But emptiness is crashing like a wave
And I’m thinking I’ve seen better days
Starting to list all of the ways
To escape this fucked up spiral
Of never-ending love denial
And find peace at last

Round Four 

And so I found the block function
Which should give Round 4 to me
And in theory be the knockout
That I so desperately seek
But my resolve’s already wavering
And I don’t know what to do
Because my willpower’s non-existent
Whenever it comes to you
I’m sure I’d prefer your anger
Than the rollercoaster ride
But there’s still that little voice
Whispering somewhere deep inside
That the journey’s still not done
And although we’re in Phase Three
I’m taking the easy way out
Which is of no benefit to me
But for now I’ll stand my ground
And hope I can win out
Even though my inner conflict
Keeps me filled with doubt
I need some peace and quiet
Some time away from you
A chance to find my feet
And work out what I want to do
So we have a Mexican standoff
While I take some time to grow
But whether it’s between us
Or just within me I do not know
Time will tell as always
Of that I know I’m sure
But for now these lyrics remind me
“I’m not your swinging door”

Lyrics from “Swinging Door” by Catherine Britt

Illusion

The difference is I never
Intentionally deceived
Or influenced whether
Or not you perceived
Me in a way I wanted

You deliberately lied
And created a perception
Of you that belied
The complex deception
Of being something you aren’t

I could have lived with it really
If you’d confessed the truth
When I discovered the duality
But you continued to prove
You could not be trusted

Pieces of truth have emerged
Over time, and many versions
Of reality have blended and blurred
Into convoluted dispersions
Of whatever might be real

So the pain you felt yesterday
I assume is fake at best
Because we both know we play
With different toys in a quest
To divorce from each other

But I will never know for sure
Until we sit together and bare
Ourselves and our souls and pour
The truth out and openly share
How to proceed from here